I tend to do this just to get an overall perspective of how my year went. Or to simply feel some nostalgia for the year. It was quick, but most definitely not easy. If you’re tagged in this post, you’re in the summary! (: So click “Read More” and “Find” your username to see where you come into play. You can read below after finding yourself!

It being the last day of the year, many people claim that it has no absolute relevance to change. “Just another number added to the date,” they say. The simple transition from “2011” to “2012” doesn’t give you an instant restart.

But that’s not what the new year is about to people like me. I believe it’s a day to hope for these changes that we want to make ourselves. I know what you’re all thinking, “You can make changes any time of the year.” Well, everyone is aware of that, you silly sock! We all make changes every day of our lives, every time we breathe. But the celebration of the new year and all these unfulfilled new year’s resolutions are all part of everyone deciding to change together. And I don’t know about you, but I find something like that to be magic.

So, here’s to that added number no matter what perspective you happen to have. Cheers to the new year! Goodbye 2011, and hello to 2012! January - The new year began with focusing on my studies as well as my relationship with @heyitsmichael to distract myself from the previous disdainful events in December (R.I.P. TJL). Except for the 23rd, this month was hardly significant. I just hoped for change.

February - I worked in February. I worked towards working on myself. I worked towards figuring out where I wanted to be in my life. I worked towards making things work. I even worked on my homework until the early hours of the morning. It hit me that after a month, everything was still the exact same.

March - I thought about other people. Strangers, acquaintances, friends, best friends, my boyfriend, my family…I spent time thinking of others rather than myself to avoid facing my hypersensitivity. I found growing up to be gruesome, and something changed me.

April - It started off disappointing. But it was nice to see my Sea Creature, @vivianasdlkj. I also found myself to be closer to a friend, @kvnjang, and talking to an old friend. These days, I didn’t say what I wished to. There were 3 am homework sessions and countdowns to the summer…I was grateful though, so special shout outs to @ahlay, @johnapostrophe, @miles-david, and @obeywillis, because I can remember appreciating small things they said on certain days in April :)

May - When you find people you can relate so much with unexpectedly, it feels amazing just to know there’s someone who understands you. So, thank you, @andychochocho and @jus10dollars for making me feel less alone in the month of May. I also want to take the time to appreciate @annasamsung, as well as getting the chance to listen to the words of @-suzettemg. I found a new comfort with many and school was finally coming to an end.

June - If this month had to be summed up in two words, they’d be “identity crisis”. Reminders were needed constantly: What was home to me? Who am I, and what do I enjoy? What are my priorities, and who do I feel I could never do without?…But I had early summer adventures to sink myself into: 10 o’ clock dinners, being away from home all the time, seeing my best friends, having no adult supervision, sneaking out and sneaking around, finally sorting through my photographs, doing what I want, missing my bed, watching movies and trashy television with good company, checking things off of my bucket list, and eating—a lot.

July - I spent lots of time enjoying myself. Especially with my boyfriend, who went to California with me and met more of my family. I also spent time talking to and relating with @johnapostrophe…There were some dramatic days, of course, and so I was stranded when all I wanted was to be home. I cried too much in July and couldn’t suck things up as well as I used to. Still, I was human, and I loved summer and couldn’t even begin to understand the people who missed school.

August - I regretted nothing. I satisfied others. I indulged. I spent days happily as a recluse. I kept my promises. I celebrated. I missed what I had. I made most of what was left. I fell in love with polka dots. And I forgot how to sleep alone. School started, and the first day had already felt repetitive.

September - School was such a drag and aspects of my life were picked apart, but I grew even closer to an already close group of people and for that, I am thankful.

October - The first time for everything, sleepovers, “better than expected” days, Bite of Las Vegas, screwing up, ‘absences’, the Clark DCM, being indifferent, finding optimism, RTC, meeting new people, making mistakes, the stomach flu, confusion, trying, and more picking apart.

November - Momentarily, I was doing fine. It was enough to look forward to Thanksgiving, Winter Break, and all the days away from school. Everyone looked towards it and that energy stayed. But while passing through the middle of the month came other confusing emotions that I’ve never dealt with before. Later, I felt I needed space, that I needed myself most. And then the trees turned orange, and then I thought too much, and then we sang, and I got a phone call that made my heart drop. Before I knew it, November was over.

December - This month was definitely the most. I had more than once felt such a negative emotion that there was no room to cry. There was never anyone home, not that I spent too much time there. I made mistakes and never did anything right. I didn’t know what I wanted and to this last day of 2011, I’m still not even sure. I fought for one thing, two, and I hated these feelings. I was in the wrong place. And for a while, it was all about one aspect of my life that had caught all my attention. It may still even be. I haven’t at all been treating anyone right and I realized that my busier days only meant people needed me more than they used to. Nevertheless, here I am listening to my self-pity station on Pandora, and I’ve learned to accept everything I have done and the decisions I’ve made. And if not, then I guess I’ll just have to take action tomorrow. Even if it’s wrong.

Having compressed my year, I realize it’s mostly been about my relationships with people. The friends and acquaintances I got closer to, the strangers whose names I now knew, the close friendships that grew even more important than before, the unexpected comebacks from old friends, the ups and downs with my significant other, the rare days in which I got to spend time with my family, that’s all that’s been picking me up and tearing me down. And then of course, there’s myself.